Yesterday Veronica and I made a road trip to Chester, PA to the racetrack to see my Dad and his horse race. My father races trotters, and I rarely get to see him race. The drive was two hours, which wasn’t so bad. Dad’s horse came in second, which was awesome! Veronica and I were starving so we decided to head over to the casino for lunch. I have been known to spend hours on the coin pushing machines at Dave & Busters so I knew that I couldn’t sit in front of a slot machine. I budgeted $5. It took about 2.5 minutes to make the $5 turn into $13. So then Veronica made me put the five back in my pocket and only allowed me to gamble with what I made. We switched to another annoying and completely bizarre machine and I lost $5. So I was up $3. We decided it was time to go home. In all, we spent about 7 minutes spending $5 – $10. I figure that $5-10 in yarn will last quite a bit longer and in the end, I might have something to show for the expenditure, right? This is how I justify my yarn problem.

On top of all of the ATM machines in the casino is this handy brochure, provided by Harrah’s. It is their public service announcement, I suppose. Like a liquor store handing out AA brochures with every purchase. Over dinner, we decided that the lessons in this brochure could be applied to yarn, even when not grammatically correct. Since I won’t be making a fibre space version of this sucker, here is what I can offer:

When might yarn be a problem?

1. Do you lose time from work due to yarn?

2. Is yarn making your home life unhappy?

3. Is yarn affecting your reputation?

4. Have you ever felt remorse after purchasing yarn?

5. Does yarn cause a decrease in your ambition or efficiency?

6. Do you often buy yarn until your last dollar is gone?

7. Do you ever borrow to finance your yarn?

8. Have you ever sold any real or personal property to finance yarn? (um, this includes de-stashing in order to re-stash!)

9. Are you reluctant to use “yarn money” for normal expenditures?

10. Does yarn make you careless of the welfare of your family?

11. Do you ever yarn longer than you had planned?

12. Do you ever yarn to escape worry or trouble?

13. Have you ever committed or considered committing an illegal act to finance yarn?

14. Does yarn cause you difficulty in sleeping?

15. Do arguments, disappointments or frustration create an urge to yarn?

16. Do you have an urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of yarn?

Ok, so while the Harrah’s brochure explains that they offer ways to help a customer restrict their gambling….we don’t have that service. So if you have answered yes to most of the questions above, we actually can’t help you at all. You are an addict and can not be saved. Enjoy it!